schmidt happenings

March 11 advance issue of Another Gray Hair


Toilet Paper – what a great invention! I could not live without it, at least on a regular basis. For some reason it seems to disappear much too fast at my house since I have three little boys.

After learning that children think toilet paper on the wall dispenser is a toy I modified our storage. It is so easy and fun for a toddler to hit the roll over and over while dispensing it upon the floor. I have caught my boys doing this many times and after reprimanding them helped them to rewind it back on the roll while still in the wall dispenser. Finally, I gave up and resigned to placing the pile in a plastic bag on the floor. One would just reach in, find the appropriate amount, break it at both ends, and use the necessary amount.

After tiring of the plastic bag on the floor method for a few rolls I moved the entire roll to resting on the towel rack – slightly higher than the height a toddler can reach. I have discovered a few new problems with this storage method: first - the entire roll can fall into the toilet or onto a wet floor – thus ruining the remainder of the roll; second - it is easier to use more than truly needed; and third it drives my husband crazy to not be in the wall dispenser.

I have seen one of my boys wind the roll of paper around and around their hand until a big ball develops for a single use. I have watched another of them unroll and unroll it onto the floor into a big pile for use. Both my boys that have “graduated” to using toilet paper use way too much – a problem I needed to fix. One roll a day is beyond reasonable usage. My family’s toilet paper budget can only be stretched so thin.

When I was a child my mom instigated a rule on the use of toilet paper. Everyone could only use as much as their arm is long. From the shoulder to the hand was different on everyone but was the correct proportion to the amount needed for the job. I decided it was time to use this measurement rule for my boys. I carefully explained the new procedure a few times on different days to each of my toilet users and hoped for the best. I caught my three-year-old actually reaching out his arm as long as it would possibly reach and measuring out the correct amount and then using it.

“What a good boy,” I cooed at him, so proud that my new rule was being observed.

He did the same thing again, used the measured amount, and again a third time. After smiling to myself and wondering at his genius at following Mom’s directions and his own creativity at not following Mom’s directions, I explained that an arm length one time for the entire job not each wipe is a better philosophy.

My husband and I have explained and demonstrated the correct procedure for toilet paper use and what to do with it after use many time for them. I find myself wondering – do other people have to explain this too? Is this only a boy problem?

A friend recently suggested that I ration the toilet paper and only give out the allotted arm length before proceeding to the bathroom. She also suggested that I store it on top of the fridge. The problem is I would inevitably be the one in the bathroom without rations and having to figure out what to do. Also, that would just encourage my little out-of-the-box thinkers to climb on top of the fridge to ration the paper to themselves. They need no more prompts to climb; they have enough by just being boys.